And so it begins

When I first heard the words "you have breast cancer," I was in complete shock. Fear took over, and my mind fixated only on one thing: getting rid of it. I didn't stop to think about what the process would entail or how it would affect me beyond the diagnosis. My brain went into survival mode, and I felt like a deer caught in headlights. That feeling of shock and terror lingered for what seemed like an eternity.

The diagnosis process felt agonizingly slow, stretching my anxiety to its limits. Waiting became the worst part of my cancer journey. First, I waited weeks for my initial appointment at the breast care clinic, then more weeks for test results. Even after that, additional scans and tests were needed before any concrete action could be taken. Each day felt like an eternity as I wrestled with the fear of the unknown. Knowing the cancer was inside me, capable of spreading, while I was stuck waiting, made me feel completely powerless.

Two months after my diagnosis, a treatment plan was finally in place. I was scheduled for a therapeutic mammoplasty; a combination of a lumpectomy and breast reduction surgery, to remove the cancer from my left breast while also reshaping and reducing my right breast for symmetry. I felt very relieved about that because it meant something was finally happening, I had no headspace at the time to even begin processing what I would be losing or to feel any sense of grief. My whole focus was on coping in the moment. I just wanted the cancer out of me, and fast.

On the morning of my surgery, I stood in front of the hospital bathroom mirror in my hospital rope, taking in the markings my surgeon had drawn on my chest. I held my breasts in my hands, and it suddenly hit me what it would mean to remove the cancer from my body.

Before cancer, I loved my breast. They didn’t define me but they were a large part of how they made me feel confident. After surgery, that confidence wavered. I grieved for what I had lost. I even found myself resenting my left breast for developing cancer, while feeling inexplicably sorry for my right one, after all, it had done nothing wrong.

At first, I was okay with my new breasts because they were cancer-free. But when the bandages came off, and I saw my scars, I struggled. Then I was in awe of their ability to heal and bounce back. But that confidence was shaken again when I thought I’d found another lump during chemotherapy. A hospital visit and an ultrasound later, I learned it was just scar tissue, and relief washed over me.

Cancer treatment throws you into an ever-changing reality, giving you little time to process each transformation before the next one hits. It’s an emotional rollercoaster. My relationship with my body, especially my breasts, has been complex ever since. The constant changes have shaken my confidence, and I still struggle with how they look and feel.

Throughout my journey, Breast Cancer Now was an incredible source of support. Their helpline and “Here For You Volunteer” services helped me navigate medical jargon and the ups and downs of treatment. The nurses and volunteers were voices of reason and reassurance when I needed them most. Though I had the support of my husband, family, and friends, I often felt alone.

Breast Cancer Now “Someone Like Me” service was a lifeline during chemotherapy and radiotherapy. They connected me with a volunteer who had gone through a similar breast cancer treatment a decade earlier. She gave me hope. Speaking with someone who had walked this path before, who truly understood what I was going through, made all the difference. She showed me that survival was possible and that I wasn’t alone.

I have found from personal experience that doctors tell you what to expect on your treatment journey but its really the cancer survivors who will show you how to cope. So here is some tips that I hope you might find helpful:

• Take a family member or a friend to every medical appointment to help take notes for you as the appointments can be very emotionally overwhelming and you might need help remembering or processing the information.
• If you are going to research your cancer diagnoses, check trusted websites like Cancer Research UK, Breast Cancer now or MacMillan Cancer Support and their forums. And remember not everything you’ll read will be tailored to your specific cancer.
• If you are struggling with the wait or the diagnosis, talk to your GP or rely on the cancer charities for the psychological support like Shine Cancer Support or Maggie's.
• I was expecting pain post my surgery but luckily it wasn't too bad for me, I got very tired instead and I slept a lot when I first was discharged from the hospital.
• Your post surgical heart shaped pillow will be your best friend and you take it with you everywhere in the first couple of weeks.
• If you are about to have your lymph nodes removed like in my case, you are going to need to do your physio exercises and stretch your arm daily for months and months to avoid having Lymphedema - swelling of the arm.
• Loose fitting button down nightshirts or nighties and zip up clothes with easy access to your wounds and drains (if you have any) to inspect is all you need on your first month.
• If you had your lymph nodes removed, it would be best to wear button up sleeveless shirts when you are out and about.
• A front-fastening post surgery bra is essential, I took my bra with me into surgery so it could be put on while I was asleep. Front-fastening bras are great for post-surgery recovery because nurses can undo them without having to move you.
• You are going to have to sleep on your back with your upper body elevated for at least one month afterwards.
• You are going to need to wear your surgical bra at all times, even to go to sleep, for a few weeks to a month.
• Once your surgical bandages get removed, start using a good anti scarring cream.
• Once your scars have sufficiently healed start massaging them to avoid scar tissues for about 6 months after surgery (please note you should not massage your scar if you still have stitches or if the scar has a scab on it).
• Be kind to yourself and accept offers of help from your family and friends.
  To boost your energy and compact fatigue on the go, choose a non processed energy bars to have on your walks when you get tired.
• Do something to take your mind off the cancer, a good book, watching old movies or box sets that are familiar and comforting, I picked up colour in number and cross stretching as I found them very relaxing and meditative.
• Play the cancer card, you might as well. Don’t feel guilty about it, you can play it whenever you want and as often as you want.

Please note every body is different so our experience might not be the same, always check with your oncology and chemo team for best advice in your case.