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If You Know, You Know: Living with Scanziety

If you know, you know. The blood tests, the scans, the quiet moments in the waiting room. The deep breath before the needle or the scan, the forced smile at the technician, the casual small talk that feels anything but casual. The sound of your name being called, the shuffle of papers, the cool touch of the examination table. And then… waiting. Waiting for the call. The email. The portal update. Refreshing the page like it changes anything. Telling yourself not to overthink, but your mind runs through every possibility anyway. Trying to stay busy, but the thoughts sneak in between tasks, creeping in like an uninvited guest. This is scanziety… It’s the fear of the unknown, which keeps building from the moment I get the letter about my annual screening. The what-ifs that stir at 2 AM when the world is quiet but your mind is loud. It’s the mental tug-of-war between optimism and dread, between hoping for good news and preparing for the worst. It’s the exhausting cycle of reminding yourself...

Shakshuka

Shakshuka is one of those meals that makes you feel like you put in way more effort than you actually did. It’s rustic, vibrant, and comes together in one pan, which means less cleanup and more eating. Plus, there’s something ridiculously satisfying about cracking eggs right into a bubbling tomato sauce and watching them gently poach. It’s said to have started in Tunisia and spread through North Africa and the Middle East, which makes sense, everyone who tries it seems to adopt it. What I love most is that it isn’t only a breakfast meal. I’ve had it for brunch, lazy dinners, and even “I forgot to grocery shop” nights, and it always hits the spot. Ingredients 2 tbsp olive oil 1 small onion, diced 1 red bell pepper, diced 2–3 garlic cloves, minced 1 tsp ground cumin 1 tsp smoked paprika ¼ tsp chili flakes (optional, for heat) 1 can (14 oz / 400 g) crushed or diced tomatoes Salt and pepper to taste 4–5 eggs Fresh parsley or cilantro, chopped (for garnish) Optional: crumbled feta, olives, ...

The Fog That Won’t Lift: Living (and Laughing) Through Brain Fog

There’s this little side effect of chemotherapy that no one really warns you about. It’s not the nausea, or the bone-deep fatigue, or even losing your hair... people at least prepare you for those. It's the brain fog or as I like to call it: the brain farts. It feels like my brain’s running on dodgy WiFi. Some days, the signal is strong and clear, I can think straight, string sentences together, feel sharp again. Other days, it’s like everything is buffering mid-thought, mid-sentence, mid-task. One minute I’m totally capable, the next I’m wondering if my brain is actively sabotaging me on purpose. Take the time I tried to organize a fun night out at the cinema with my girlfriends. I booked the tickets online, feeling very “on top of life.” Halfway there, it hit me: Brighton doesn’t even have a Vue cinema. I’d booked us tickets for London. Cue me, standing on the pavement, staring at my phone like: Really? Again? Or the time I was invited to speak at a cancer conference in Londo...

Semolina Cake

This dessert is often the very first sweet we’re taught to make in school cookery class, long before we even attempt cake. It’s simple, comforting, and instantly rewarding. Depending on where you are, it goes by different names: in Syria, Palestine, and Jordan it’s called Hareesa , in Lebanon it's called Namoura while in Egypt it’s known as Basbousa . At its heart, it’s a semolina cake soaked in sugar syrup, usually topped with almonds and coconut for that signature look. Growing up, this was one of the most nostalgic treats my mom would prepare whenever friends and family gathered. It’s wonderfully easy to make, irresistibly tasty, and always guaranteed to please everyone. Ingredients 1 cup yogurt 1 cup sugar 1 ½ tsp baking powder ½ tsp baking soda 3 cups semolina (coarse) ½ cup melted butter (1 stick) 1 cup fine coconut flakes ¾ cup milk 2 tbsp tahini (for greasing pan) Flaked almond and desiccated coconut for garnish For the sugar syrup: 1 cup s...

From Kitchen to Healing: How Food Became a Vital Part of My Cancer Journey

Cooking has always been one of my greatest passions. It’s never just been about eating, it’s about the love that goes into preparing a meal, the memories attached to favourite dishes, and the joy of sharing food with the people I care about. From my Mum’s Stuffed Artichoke Hearts to the countless recipes I’ve experimented with over the years, food has always been a source of comfort and creativity for me. But when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, my relationship with food shifted. I started seeing it as more than just something to enjoy; it became a way to nourish and support my body through healing. I knew I needed to be more mindful of what I was eating, not just for the sake of my health but to give myself the best possible chance of feeling strong and energized. One of the biggest changes I made was transitioning to a pescatarian diet. It wasn’t about giving up the dishes I loved but rather finding new ways to enjoy them. Instead of traditional meat-based meals, I started explor...

Balouza Muhallabia (Orange Milk Pudding)

This dessert takes me right back to my childhood summers. My aunt used to make it when the weather got warm; it’s light, refreshing, and so simple to prepare. Best of all, it’s naturally gluten-free! Balouza might look fancy, but don’t let that fool you... it comes together quickly and is guaranteed to impress your guests. You can also swap out the orange juice for strawberry or mango if you want to switch things up! Ingredients For the milk pudding: 5 cups milk ½ cup corn-starch, dissolved in ½ cup water ½ cup sugar ½ cup rose water 1 cup peeled, slivered almonds For the orange layer: 3 ½ cups fresh orange juice ¼ cup corn-starch, dissolved in ½ cup water ¼ cup sugar Instructions Step 1 : Prepare the milk pudding: In a pot, strain the corn-starch mixture and add the milk. Stir constantly over medium heat until it starts to thicken (about 15 minutes). Add the sugar and rose water, and continue stirring for another 5 minutes. Remove from heat and set aside. Step 2 : Prepare the oran...

Traveling After Cancer: Embracing Adventure with a New Perspective

There was a time when I could throw a bag together, book a flight, and set off on an adventure without a second thought. Traveling was exhilarating, spontaneous, and, most importantly, easy. But after cancer diagnosis, my reality shifted. Now, I navigate the world while on endocrine and targeted therapy, with the added challenge of lymphedema. Planning a trip while undergoing treatment is a different kind of journey. There’s the excitement of getting away, of course, but also the practical worries that creep in. What if I get fatigued? Will my medication cause side effects mid-flight? How will I manage my lymphedema in a different climate? And then there’s the added challenge of securing travel insurance, something I never thought twice about before but is now a hurdle when traveling abroad while undergoing cancer treatment. The unknowns can feel overwhelming, but I refuse to let them keep me from experiencing the joy of travel. A smooth trip starts with good preparation. While I used ...